What I thought being bald would look like:
What I actually look like as a bald person:
Whole brain radiation does not evenly cook one’s scalp. My hair fell out in a manner that I now know is classified as a “Six” on the Norwood Hair Loss Scale. I also wasn’t prepared for how surprisingly physically painful the process would be. My best friend came over and went at me with Fireboy’s clippers and that helped a little bit, but all in all it was a three-day ordeal which culminated with me sitting in the bathtub with a trash can pulling my hair out in clumps. When I climbed out I had a fight with myself whether or not to look in the mirror. In the end I went for it—I mean, I’m going to have to look at some point, right? I was met with what I can only describe as a monk with mange.
I was fully prepared to weep at the loss of my feminine locks. Like Sinead O’Connor in the “Nothing Compares 2 U” video, I would bravely wipe my tears and embrace my new bald self like the badass cancer warrior chick I am. Right.
Turns out my bald self is a little more monk-y than spunk-y.
Of course, this led to some research on the practice of tonsure, the weird bald-on-the-top look which I’d seen in various forms of art in history classes, which I learned was mostly the practice of ancient Catholic Monks. Those guys undertook it as a physical representation of their renunciation of worldly goods, but it also exists in Buddhist, Hindu and maybe even Celtic traditions. So, in typical fashion, I didn’t get what I expected, but I learned something new.
Another side effect of the radiation is an actual physical burn which makes my forehead look like a Boy Scout’s first attempt at a campfire hot dog. That, combined with my funky monk ‘do makes for quite a look, let me assure you. So I slapped on a wig (which I got at Dion’s Le Wig Shoppe in Scottsdale) and added a hat and—lo and behold. I basically look like my normal old self.
I’m going to keep my number 6 Norwood. If nothing else, I figure it’ll give me an edge on my bangs. Fireboy invented a contraption to replace the Penguin Cold Caps, so I’ll start using that next week and let the hair farming commence. I’ll be posting some info on that in case anyone else wants to do a lil DIY follicle freezing. I picked up a recommendation on some hair and scalp rejuvenating product to try from our PA, (who is also a stylist) and I’ll review here soon, too.
I applaud all you glam baldsters out there, it just wasn’t in the cards for me.